How to Start a Meaningful Small Group for Men
You don't need a complicated plan. You just need a few men willing to show up, be honest, and walk together.
Over the past 40 years, I've had the privilege of being part of small groups with men in different seasons of life. Some have lasted for a season. Others have lasted for decades.
One of the most meaningful began with four men sitting around a breakfast table at a Perkins restaurant over 30 years ago.
And we're still meeting today.
It All Started with a Simple Invitation
Years ago, more than 100 men gathered for a men's retreat. During that weekend, the speaker challenged us through his own life experiences and several powerful passages of Scripture.
One was Proverbs 27:17, which reminds us that as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
Another was Ecclesiastes 4:12, which speaks of the strength of a cord made of three strands, not easily broken.
Those words struck a chord with several of us.
Following the retreat, two men began talking about the possibility of starting a small group. Dale Janisse and I joined them, and the four of us agreed to meet for breakfast to explore the idea.
At the time, I wasn't sure I could make that kind of commitment. I was heavily involved in travelling with the ministry of Promise Keepers Canada, along with numerous other responsibilities.
So I suggested something simple.
"I'd be willing to meet three times for breakfast, share what's going on in our lives, and pray for each other. Then we can decide whether we want to continue."
We met at Perkins.
And frankly, we never stopped.
Over the years, one of those men relocated because of his work. But the remaining three of us have continued meeting, sharing life, encouraging one another, challenging one another, and praying together for more than 30 years.
Looking back, I don't think any of us imagined what those first three breakfasts would become.
What began as a simple invitation developed into friendships that have helped sustain us through some of life's greatest joys and most difficult challenges.
So How Do You Start a Small Group Like That?
Let me share four things I've learned that I believe are essential.
1. Make Confidentiality a Non-Negotiable Commitment
Trust is the foundation of every meaningful small group.
From the beginning, agree together that what is shared within the group stays within the group.
Men need to know they can speak openly about their struggles, disappointments, fears, failures, and challenges without wondering who else might hear about them.
This is especially important in the early days as trust is being established.
Don't assume everyone understands confidentiality the same way. Talk about it. Agree to it. Remind one another of that commitment regularly.
There may be circumstances involving someone's safety when outside help is necessary, so agree in advance how those situations will be handled.
A man will only be as open as he feels safe to be.
And that sense of safety takes time to develop.
2. Start with a Short-Term Commitment
One of the biggest obstacles to starting a small group is the fear of making another long-term commitment.
I understand that. I've been there.
That's why I encourage men to start small.
Invite two or three other men to meet for breakfast or coffee three times. Choose a day, time, and location that works for everyone.
Tell them there's no pressure to continue beyond those first three meetings.
You're simply exploring whether you want to walk together in a more intentional way.
After those meetings, ask yourselves:
Are we willing to make time for one another?
Are we beginning to build trust?
Are we prepared to encourage, challenge, and pray for each other?
Would we like to continue meeting?
Remember, our group began with a commitment to just three breakfasts.
More than 30 years later, we're still at it.
3. Be Willing to Move Beyond Surface-Level Conversations
Most men have no difficulty talking about sports, work, politics, or what's happening in the world.
But meaningful friendships require us to go deeper.
As trust develops, be willing to talk about what's really happening in your life.
How are things going in your marriage? With your children or grandchildren? What concerns are keeping you awake at night? Where are you struggling in your relationship with God? Are you feeling discouraged, lonely, disappointed, or uncertain about the future?
For men in the second half of life, these conversations become especially important.
Retirement, changing family relationships, aging parents, health concerns, loss, and questions about purpose can create challenges that we were never meant to navigate alone.
I've discovered that vulnerability often begins when one man has the courage to go first.
If you're leading the group, don't be afraid to be that man.
Share honestly about something you're wrestling with. You may be surprised at how your willingness to be open gives another man permission to do the same.
4. Keep God's Word and Prayer at the Centre
You don't need to be a Bible scholar or an experienced small group leader to facilitate a meaningful conversation around Scripture.
One of my favourite approaches is remarkably simple.
I'll bring a passage of Scripture that has personally impacted me during the previous week.
We'll read it together, sometimes using several Bible translations, such as the New International Version, English Standard Version, New Living Translation, or The Message.
Hearing the same passage expressed in different ways often helps us notice something we might otherwise have missed.
Then I ask one simple question:
"What popped for you as you listened to those verses being read, and why?"
I usually begin by sharing what stood out to me. Perhaps it was a particular word, phrase, promise, or challenge from the passage and why it mattered in my own life.
Then I invite the other men to share.
I'm always amazed at how the same passage can speak to different men in very personal ways.
We don't need to have all the answers. We simply need to be willing to listen, reflect, learn, and encourage each other.
At the end of our conversation, I ask another question:
"How can we be praying for you today?"
And then we pray for one another.
It's that simple.
Another Way to Begin: Use a Finish Strong Podcast Conversation
One of the reasons we created the Finish Strong Podcast was to share wisdom from men who have lived it, for men who want to Finish Strong.
These conversations can provide a wonderful starting point for a small group.
Choose an episode that interests you. Share the link with two or three other men and invite them to watch or listen to the podcast before meeting together.
When you gather, ask:
"What stood out to you from this conversation, and why?"
Give each man the opportunity to share his thoughts, experiences, or questions.
Then ask:
"What difference might this make in how you live your life?"
And finally:
"How can we be praying for each other?"
You don't need an elaborate curriculum or a complicated structure. It all starts with an honest conversation with men that you trust.
Need help leading a Small Group? We've created a Small Group Discussion Guide to help you get started.
Your First Small Group Meeting: A Simple 60-Minute Format
Here's a practical format you can use for your first gathering.
Time | What to do |
10 minutes | Coffee, breakfast, and catching up |
10 minutes | Share what's happening in your lives |
20 minutes | Read a Scripture passage or discuss a Finish Strong Podcast conversation |
10 minutes | Share what stood out and how it applies to your lives |
10 minutes | Ask each man how you can pray for him, and pray together |
Before leaving, agree on when you'll meet again.
An Invitation to Take the First Step
When I look back over more than 30 years of meeting with these men, I realize that some of the most meaningful relationships in my life began with something as ordinary as breakfast at Perkins.
We didn't have a grand vision, a carefully developed curriculum, or any idea how long we would continue meeting.
We simply made a commitment to show up, share our lives, encourage each other, listen to God's Word, and pray together.
And somewhere along the way, those breakfasts became something I wouldn't want to live without.
Perhaps you've been thinking about starting a small group but haven't known where to begin.
Can I encourage you to do one thing?
Think of two or three men you respect, trust, or would like to get to know better.
Invite them to breakfast.
Ask them to commit to meeting three times.
See what God might do.
Who knows? Thirty years from now, you might still be meeting together, grateful that someone had the courage to extend that first invitation.
Ian Nairn
Finish Strong Project — Helping Men Keep the Faith
Ready to Grow Stronger Together?
You don't have to figure it all out on your own. Find a couple of men you trust and start investing in one another's lives. We've put together a Small Group Discussion Guide to help you get started.
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